


Dear John

by Khel, SweetAsCyanide



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: AU, Canon Divergence, College kind of, Drug Refrences, Letters, Like really really slow, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-04
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2017-11-23 15:03:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 12,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/623476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khel/pseuds/Khel, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetAsCyanide/pseuds/SweetAsCyanide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm writing to you because--in case you still haven't figured it out--I was assigned to do so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Your Brain is Faulty Wiring

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody! Or well anybody who is reading this. This is a super slow burning fic, as in the relationship between Sherlock and John takes a long time to build. Also this fic takes place entirely in letter format as wrtten between Sherlock and John. All the Sherlock letters are written by yours truly and all the John letters are written by Khel. This first letter is a tad on the short side, but they do get a lot longer (at least my Sherlock ones do). Please let us know what you think!

Dear John,

Is it even remotely possible to have a more generic name than yours? Obviously, your parents weren't taking into consideration just how many other John Watsons there would be in the world; even if they, as with every parent in this small-mined world, seemed to feel the decidedly false need to fancy their child more special than the children of anyone else. You joined the military to gain a sense of purpose, to serve queen and country, do your family proud, and all that lark. How is that going for you? Hopefully you haven't found yourself deceased yet, as that would make the completion of this woeful, semester long assignment nigh impossible. Assuming your intelligence level is at least at the average level of stupid for the human race, you've probably deduced that I'm not writing this letter altruistically to some good little, soon-to-be solider for the alleged feelings of 'warmth' that most of my classmates are. I'm writing to you because--in case you still haven't figured it out--I was assigned to do so. Dull. Tragically, my idiotic Humanities teacher feels the need to inflict this baseless assignment upon us with no alternative. Victor keeps telling me that moronic idiom of "if I don't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all." Consider the relatively minimal length of this letter my act of kindness while under this horrid obligation. 

Once again, I hope you haven't found yourself dead yet,

S.H.


	2. How Do I Know I'll Make It through?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are the first two letters! From now on there will be a new Sherlock letter every Monday and a new John letter every Thursday.

Dear 'S.H.'  
Is S.H. short for Shit Head? Because if it is, your parents did a remarkable job at picking your name out. How did they know you'd be such a prick? I don’t even know how to respond to your letter. Who writes something like that to an utter stranger they know nothing about? And while you’re complaining about writing letters to me, you do realize that I’m under no obligation to respond to you, right? I could easily not waste my time by writing to you, and then you’d fail the assignment. How about that?  
And I’ll have you know that while I may have signed up for the military, I’m joining as a doctor, not a soldier; I’m currently in my final year of med school and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t insult my intelligence. My reasons for joining the military are my own business and you have no right in assuming you know what those reasons are.  
By the way, if you’re so stuck up and fed up with the ‘stupidity of the human race,’ why are you even enrolled in a humanities course? You do realize such a course requires social interaction and a study of humanity?  
Anyway, I have more important things to do than reply any more to such a condescending letter. I don’t really know why I responded in the first place.  
Sorry I’m not dead to release you from this ‘obligation,’  
John H Watson  
P.S. Your Victor seems like a smart man. Perhaps you should listen to his advice?  
 


	3. Being Friends With the Devil Gets Dangerous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, here is chapter three! The titles of each chapter are all taken from songs (since I forgot to mention that before). This chapter's title is taken from the song 'Sick Hearts' by the Used. Brownie points for anyone who can guess what the songs the first two chapter's titles are from. ;)

Dear John, 9/8

Yes, John it stands for Shit Head, because I’ve never heard that one before. Try a little harder won’t you? I certainly wouldn’t put that past my parents. You think I’m a ‘prick,’ as you so eloquently put it? Then perhaps you ought to meet my family; I’m nothing compared to the rest of them. For not knowing how to respond to my letter, you seemed to do a rather fine job. Dull. You already know why I’m writing to you. I have no say in the matter. By all means stop replying, then I can go complain to me teacher that I tried to complete her assignment, but little mister army doctor simply refused to reply because I offended his overly delicate sensibilities. Certainly that is a great trait for a man boy who will likely have to deal with the battle-field in the not so distant future.

How many sentences can you possibly start with the word and? My congratulations on surviving med-school thus far, but a man purely concerned with helping to heal others would go work in a hospital and not on a battlefield. Thus you had an ulterior motive for joining the military. In part, you long for adventure, and are a bit of an adrenaline junkie. You rarely back down from a challenge or a dare—after all you did reply to my initial letter, even if you are falsely threatening to not write back (we both know you will, if for no other reason than to continue to try and prove me wrong). But it isn’t just the adrenaline is it? Yes, you’re the type to care for others; however, you also long to get away. If you were joining the military just to serve Queen and Country, my comment wouldn’t have merited such a strong reaction. Family issues as well, a touchy subject? I’m not much for family either.

Cute, you’re quoting me now. Indeed, I find the vast majority of human beings to be stupid; if people would only look, they’d be surprised by what they would find. Take my next door neighbors. The two have been together since their junior year (which was over a decade ago now) and have grown tired of each other, yet they both refuse to leave their fruitless relationship. Instead, they’ve both started looking elsewhere to satiate their carnal desires. She’s now fucking his brother behind his back. And him? Well, he has an on-going fling with his not so ex-boyfriend (who is coincidentally also his PA). They are both so caught up in their own illicit affairs, and the covering up of them, that they don’t even notice what-or rather who-the other is doing. The woman tends to come home without her engagement ring, wearing a different perfume than she left with (proving the affair to be rather long lived since she keeps toiletries at the brothers place), and smelling like her fiancé’s brothers shampoo. The man’s watch always is running slow on Wednesdays, when he also always gets home six hours later than normal. So what? The watch relies on the movement of the man’s wrist in order to keep it on time, this same watch was also a present from his fiancé and thus he is prone to removing it before his encounters with his lover. Of course, if that wasn’t extensive enough of evidence, he also tends to come home in brand-name boxers two sizes smaller than he left in. If either of my two imbecilic neighbors would simply open their eyes, they’d be able to see what a total sham their engagement has become and subsequently end it. Thus leaving both of them to pursue other lovers without any guilt and without wasting any more time pretending that they still give a damn about each other. As for why I’m in a humanities course, well, even you should be able to figure that one out. I have to, it’s a course requirement. 

You know exactly why you responded to my letter John Watson. You may even make this awful assignment just a little less tedious. 

I find I’m almost pleased at your distinctive lack of being a cadaver,

S.H.

P.S. I’m sure Victor would love to hear you refer to him as mine. While he may have the occasional spark of brilliance, he’s also said that using a knife to get toast out of the toaster is perfectly legitimate and that water and electrical outlets are secretly best friends. I’d really rather not take my chances with following his advice, while he is entertaining, his intelligence level is already sub-par.

P.P.S. Let’s see how long it takes you to actually figure out my name. Think of it as an exercise in the use of your intelligence, Doctor.  
 


	4. If I Knew Then What I Know Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Khel here!! I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this! It really helps motivate the two of us to continue writing these letters ^_^
> 
> As a heads up, we write these with no plans for future letters. If we do have a plan, we don't tell each other and just see where the responses take us. It's a lot of fun and can be a real challenge! We are actually writing these letters back and forth to each other in a very role play like way...
> 
> I'm still playing around with my characterization of John at this point, so forgive more for a few more letters if he seems to be all over the place. I'm working on it. xD I'm really looking forward to writing his letters after he is deployed, but we have a long time to go before we make it that far. ^_^

Dear S.H. -- 9/18

So, what? I’m just supposed to guess your name out of the billions of possibilities out there? That doesn’t seem very fair. At least give me a hint? Or let me know if I get a letter in the right place? Let’s see….Steven Holden? You don’t seem like a Steven. Sebastian? Ha! Spock. Your writing style definitely reminds me of Spock: large words, stiff phrasing and long sentences.

Anyway, I apologize for my first letter. I read the one you sent me on a bad day and your stuck up know-it-all attitude just pushed me over the edge. I probably should have just sat back and replied to you the next day or something, but I wasn’t really thinking.

How can someone as obviously brilliant as you be so harsh and almost cruel? Never mind. I know why already. It’s because you think you’re above everyone else because you’re smarter, am I right?

You really are brilliant. You’re right. I am an adrenaline junkie and I do have family issues. Not like those are any of your business, though.   
Can you really tell all that about your neighbors from just their clothing and accessories? Amazing. And how do you know about the boxers? Wait. Don’t answer that. I’m not sure I want to know how you know such very specific details. What else can you figure out about someone? And how do you do it?

I’m glad I’m making you less miserable. That was definitely my goal when I wrote that last letter. I’ll admit that perhaps this won’t be as bad for me as I originally though, either. At least your letters add some variety to my week. I can only learn about various illnesses and injuries for so long before I’m spacing out in class. I’m more interested in how to react in an emergency and in extreme conditions. You know, stopping someone from bleeding out while being shot at and all that. But, that part of my training doesn’t start until later this semester. I guess your letters will have to be my entertainment until then.

Still not dead,

John H. Watson.

PS: Hmm. This Victor reminds me a bit of my sister when we were kids. She’d make comments like that one about the outlets all the time and she did try to remove her toast with a knife. She grew up though and learned that those kinds of things just didn’t work. I kind of wish she was still that carefree though….

PPS: Just out of curiosity, what field of study are you working on? And what year are you? Figured I’d ask seeing as how you now somehow know more about me than I know about you.

PPPS: Do you turn your assignments in looking like the letters you send me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also: these letters were originally written in photoshop to look like real, hand written letters complete with smudges, stains, creases and what have you. Sadly, neither of us have the time to make every letter super fancy like that. So you'll have to use your imaginations x3 With luck, we will be able to make them all fancy over the summer once classes are over with.


	5. I Let Myself Be Taken Just for the Thrill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another chapter down... Seems like people are liking this so far which is great. No Seriously you have no idea how super enthusiastic I get when I even see that this story (or story like thing) has even more hits, let alone the Kudos and comments. Anyways, I'm done squealing with delight over the fact that people are actual reading this so without further ado here is the latest letter from Sherlock. Oh and the title is from the song "The Boys are too Refined" by the Hush Sound.

Dear John, 

Exactly. Think of it as a game. Really John, I don’t think there are billions of possibilities out there. Not hardly, when you consider what you already know about me—including my initials. Ironically, one surname you guessed is only two letters off, much closer than any of your woeful attempts at discerning my first name. My last name is Hol_e_. You fill in the blanks. It really should be rather easy, as it is not that uncommon of a last name. You’ll have to work a bit more to get me to reveal my first name. Spock? Who or what is a Spock? That sounds like a frightful name. Your comparison rather makes me and this ‘Spock’ sound like Charles Dickens, though, and while his work may have a assured level of merit to it, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out he was salaried by the word. 

Your apology is unnecessary. I’m not one for polite conventions, so don’t apologize out of a need to be politically correct--though I suspect this is just an inherent part of your nature. Trust me, I’ve been called worse things than ‘stuck up’ and some of them were even true. Do I even need to point out how tragically phrased your sentence “It’s because you think you’re above everyone else because you’re smarter, am I right?” was? Yes, I concede that I am of a higher intelligence level than most, but I am ‘above everyone else’ as you put it because I actually take the time to notice what is right out in the open for anyone to see (even inebriated, I notice more than the average bloke).

I well that is Thanks? That isn’t what most people say. Clearly, my forced pen pal, those are none of my business whatsoever. At least you have the added benefit that I can’t see you, so my deductions on you are rudimentary at best. Yes. Well, it’s all really rather simple really. It’s the little details that, when properly observed, complete the tale. The boxers, since you do want to know, were a pretty easy find. My neighbor and his fiancée are ‘thrifty’ as it were, so he won’t spend what little leisure money they have on something like brand name boxers. As for the size being too small, the pressure from the elastic band leaves impressions on his skin (rather painful looking ones at that)--that would never be left from boxers he--or anyone else for that matter--would have bought for him. He ends up wearing his lovers out of necessity; he can’t come home not wearing any boxers, but his boy-toy and him have a less than solid relationship, meaning that he wouldn’t be keeping any of his belongings at his lover’s house. They shag and they both go on their own merry little ways. You can find out almost anything about a person from how many pets they have (and what kind) to their day jobs and from their health habits to their devious sexual endeavors. I call it the science of deduction. That’s really all there is to it. I deduct things based off of the facts and evidence provided, generally by the person in question themselves.

You know, sarcasm is much less effective in writing than in speech. I’m glad I could be your variety for the week. Truly thrilled. Spacing out in class? Tsk. Tsk. John, you should know better than to not pay attention to the nice men that teach you so they can take your money from you. Really, teachers are often one of the most inefficient tools for learning that a person can have at their disposal. They get paid to spew off information to you, whether you are listening or not. Books can be just as effective, though nothing quite compares to first hand experience. Undoubtedly, being able to retain all functionality to conduct medical practices while being shot at would be more worthwhile than learning about all the various types of influenza, and more practical in your case. The brain can only store so much knowledge; why bother to bog it down with practically useless information? I’m so happy I get to be your source of entertainment. However, if I’m your only source of entertainment I worry about the impending state of your psyche. Anyways, thanks for keeping the boredom at bay for a time. It does rather tend to consume me.

Glad your body isn’t the one being practiced on in your medical classes,

S.H.

P.S. Victor is rather deluded and childlike. I suspect he only bothers with me because he finds me ‘shiny,’ like a bobble a raven collects. I can only imagine your childhood, but it sounds decidedly better than my own with him. Ah, so the family problems stem from the sister--at least in part. Behavioral issues? Or should I refrain from asking? Victor tells me I really shouldn’t poke my nose into the personal lives of others, but, really, most people just make it all so obvious. Apparently, Victor is amazed that you are still writing to me, though he thinks it’s only because we only communicate through letters and thus you can’t know the full extent of my ‘twatishness’ as he put it. I need to work with him on improving his lexicon so he won’t have to resort to using such shoddily made up words.

P.P.S. Does is sound too terrible if I can’t remember what field I’m in anymore? I lost track. I wouldn’t even bother with school if he wasn’t making me. It’s appalling and thrives with stupid and dull people. Let’s see, field of study… I gave up on psychology (really, Freud, the world does not revolve around sex), Law (far too many regulations and rules that are pointless), and History (since the accounts are only ever written by the victors, it leaves a lot to be desired). I think I might be working on music now (I play the violin) or maybe criminology (there are some fascinating serial killers out there). I should probably check and see. Whatever it is, I’m on my last year. Feel free to ask as much about me as you like, I will answer to the best of my ability. You aren’t the first one to feel that way.

P.P.P.S. Do you mean do I turn the assignments looking like my letters? Or do my actual assignments look like my letters? When I bother turning my assignments in, they are generally typed, not handwritten. Thus, they do tend to be a bit tidier. I’m not the most organized person, not unless it’s imperative to what I’m doing. Why bother expending the effort to maintain perfect cleanliness when there are other things I could do with my time?


	6. Do You Reckon This is Connected Then?

Dear S.H.--10/13

I don’t think I could be considered a ‘forced’ pen pal anymore. The both of us seem content to reply to each other now with little hassle.  
Did I seriously almost guess your last name? I was just throwing names out there! Let’s see…Hol_e_... Is it Hollen? No, that doesn’t seem to be a common name. Holmes? There are nearly thirty of them in the phone book. As for first names: Sam, Scott, Spencer, Skyler, Shawn, Seth? How the hell do you not know who Spock is?! Star Trek? Alien genius? Suppresses his emotions in favor of knowledge?

Eww. Charles Dickens. I’ve never really cared for his stuff much. Too wordy and drawn out.

You can talk about my sentence structure, but look at your sentence: “I well that is Thanks?” What do most people say? How is it that a simple compliment made you go from eloquent to bumbling? Was it really that surprising that I said you were brilliant?

And I won’t even bother asking how you know about the impressions left on your neighbor’s skin. Though the fact you can deduce stuff like that is amazing. Can you tell these things all of the time or is it something you have to consciously choose to do?

Don’t worry; you’re not my only source of entertainment. When I’m not studying, I will go out with my mates for drinks. Sometimes we play a game or two of rugby or football when the weather isn’t bad.

Speaking of homework and teachers, I have had so much work to do the last few weeks. It’s also midterms next week and I’ve also been given the opportunity to work in the cadaver lab after class and it’s taking up much of my time. We start learning about trauma victims and what to do in a pinch in a few weeks’ time; I hope we are given the opportunity to shadow a paramedic team or something similar. Book assignments are so mundane.

Him? Is it the same ‘him’ that is making you go to school?

Again, not your business….but yes, my sister. She has a drinking problem. A rather recent one. I wish I knew what was troubling her.

I’m sure Victor bothers with you for more reasons than you being ‘shiny’. You are friends after all, right?

Just how long have you been going to school? That’s a lot of fields to go through and nearly be finished with school. How do you not remember what you’re currently studying? The violin? I play the clarinet. When I’m not elbow deep in my dissertation, that is.

Gotta run though. I’ve got a date in a few hours and I need to get part of my paper finished before I go out.

My internal temperature is still 37 degrees Celsius and not likely to change any time soon,

John H Watson

PS: I’ve included a copy of a picture of me and two of my mates from basic training over the summer. Can you guess which one is me?


	7. I Think I Just Lost My Mind

Dear John, 10/21

I suppose you have a point. We do communicate of our own volition now, don’t we? Yes, you really did almost guess my last name. Congratulations on figuring out at least half of my name. My last name is indeed Holmes, and I can’t say that I’ve ever encountered anyone with the last name of Hollen. Think longer on the first names. Since I’m in a good mood I’ll even give you a clue. The second letter is h. Ah. He must be some pop-culture reference then. In that case, if I ever did know who he was I have since deleted that information. Logic makes far more sense than the feebleness of emotions. I’m not much of a Dickens fan myself, though I’m not really one for works of fiction--they are always so predictable. As I wrote before, he did get paid for the word. If you were getting paid by the word wouldn’t you make your sentences rather long-winded and drawn out as well?

Yes, it’s really that surprising. My observations don’t usually cause people to give me any form of praise. Well, except for the woman I stopped from marrying a man who wanted to use her in order to cover up his tendencies to kill people via radiation poisoning, but she was an exception to the rule. Most people say something along the lines of “piss off” or merely call me a freak.

Really John, how do you think I got that information? His hips were exposed for the world to see, it was rather hard not to notice the glaring red impressions on it. Thanks, again. I am in a rather constant state of observance; however, at times some amount of thought must be expended to come to the proper conclusion.

I’m happy you have a life outside of me and my stunning letters. Based off the photo attached, it hardly surprises me that you play sport. Even with your height, you do have an athletic build. I believe you asked if I could guess which one was you. You are presumably the one in the middle (sandy hair, deep blue/gray eyes, height around 5’8” give or take a couple inches) Rather expected since you seem to have the ability to befriend almost anybody. In all probability you are the main source of connection for the two others in the photo, since they both lean towards you but pay little heed to the other--not to say that they don’t get along, just that they both consider themselves closer to you rather than each other (this is reiterated by the positioning of their feet). Would you like me to go on?

How did your midterms end up going? They should be pretty much over by now, right? I’m sure learning about trauma victims will be interesting, or at least more interesting than what you’ve been learning. Book assignments may be mundane, but teachers can be so fickle. 

Yes. It would be the same him. Him, who would like to refer to himself as being my arch-nemesis.

You know, if you really wanted to keep me out of it then you should stop confirming my deductions--as well as giving me increasingly more information on the matter. What brought on the drinking? Did anything dramatic happen to her recently, or is it a just family trait? That sort of predilection for addictions tends to run rampant through families. If nothing else, I can relate to the addiction aspect, though my fix has never come in the form of ethanol based drinks. 

I largely suspect he mostly bothers with me because I am ‘shiny.’ I’m different, something new for him to experience, and a challenge to his delicate sensibilities. I’m sure, given enough time, the novelty of me will wear off and he’ll go his own way. Eventually he’ll come to the realization that he--the hapless Good Samaritan that he is--can’t magically change me into some ‘better,’ more humane person and he’ll leave. Then I’ll be in the rather unfortunate position of having to find a new flat-mate and it’s a rather tedious affair to find someone willing to live with me for any length of time.

How long have I been imprisoned in schooling? The better question would be when haven’t I? Yes, well, the generals still transferred across all the various fields, so the only classes that changed were the core requirements. I really don’t care what I’m studying. If it were up to me, I would have dropped out already long ago. Alas, I have family pressures not to do so. Yes, the violin. You know, a stringed instrument that you play with a bow? The clarinet. That’s a rather interesting choice of instrument. Why the clarinet? Not many compositions for the violin and clarinet. How goes your dissertation?

How was your date? Was she pretty? At least, I’m assuming it was a she. You may have some inkling towards men, but you are predominately attracted to women. (At least, based off of how totally unaware you are of the fact that one of the other blokes in that photo was interested in you as more than a friend. And, while you didn’t appear too horrified by the idea, it didn’t hold as much appeal as the woman who was behind the camera taking the picture). Dating seems to be a rather pointless process to me, but to each their own, I suppose.

Anyways, I’ve got to go crash another crime scene. Until next time.

Hope your heart is still beating,

S. Holmes

P.S. I guess it’s only fair to send you a picture of myself as well. Here’s a photo of me and my lackluster flat mate. Care to guess who is who?


	8. I Need You By My Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Khel here! I think this is my longest letter yet! Go me! 
> 
> Also, I'm thinking we may have to slow the uploading down from twice a week to once a week...We have nearly caught up to what we have written so far, and it can sometimes take us a while to respond, as we are both super busy with school and the like.
> 
> Anyway! I hope you enjoy this latest letter!

Dear Mr. Holmes,--10/30

That sounds rather official now, doesn’t it? There really aren’t that many names for guys beginning with ‘sh’… and most of the names I have found are all either really odd or foreign. I eliminated the obviously foreign names, as Holmes is a very English last name. Here are a few I came up with: Shad, Sherwood, Shane, Sheldon, Shylock and Shiloh. I’m not sure what I’ll do if your names isn’t one of these; there aren’t very many other possibilities!

Deleted the information? How the Hell do you go about doing that? Why would you? And how are emotions feeble?

How do people not see the brilliance in your deductions? Freak? Really? Just because you’re mind works differently than nearly everyone else’s doesn’t make you a freak. I mean, you managed to figure out who I was in a photo based off of a few letters! How’d you do that, by the way?

Wait, Robby or Will fancied me? Really? And how did you know there was a woman behind the camera?

Hmm. Based on the photo you sent me, you’re the tall, posh looking bastard, aren’t ya? What are you, 6’1”? 6’2”? That explains the dig about my height…I can’t picture you as the other bloke, who is obviously drunk. Your button up shirt and posture next to your flatmate just fits your writing style. I don’t know.

Midterms were fine. My scores were acceptable, though I need to step up my game in my advanced anatomy course. We start shadowing paramedic teams in a week or so, though. I’m pretty excited for that.

As for my dissertation…Mhm. I was originally doing it on burn victims and various treatment advances. However, as of this year, I’ve decided to drop my dissertation and get my M.D., rather than a Ph.D. I’ve decided I need to focus more on experience rather than research since I’ve decided to complete my residency training in the army. I just wish I didn’t have to keep going to these residency programs. I started a toxicology program a few weeks ago, as interesting as it is, I could be doing more relevant things. At least I’m finished with the deadly illness portion. I’ve only got a two more months of these courses!

Arch nemesis? People actually have those?

Honestly, if feels good to discuss my family with someone. I guess I protest out of habit. My family doesn’t really talk about our issues and I don’t have any really close friends to talk to. Mike knows some of the issues but…Anyway. My sister recently had a fall out with her long-time partner, Lissa. They’d been together for as long as I can remember. Harry didn’t take the break up well. Obviously.

You? Addicted? Seriously?

I doubt Victor would just…stop being your friend. Maybe he won’t continue being your flat mate after a time, but what kind of friend would just leave because they get bored? What makes you say you’re a hard person to find a flatmate for? 

I know what a violin is, Holmes. I don’t know why I chose the clarinet. I’ve been playing it since secondary school. I mainly play it as a stress reliever. What were you looking duets up for?

My date was fine, thanks for asking. I’m not sure we will be going out again, but I had a good time. I take it you don’t have a girlfriend then? Or boyfriend? Which is fine, by the way.

Crime scene crashing?

My motor skills are still functioning,

John H. Watson


	9. I'm No Threat At All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still am a bit in shock at how many have been reading this, and how many actually seem to like it. However, since we've been doing the updating twice a week thing we've been posting letters faster than we can write them, so at least for the next while we are only going to be posting once a week. Sorry guys but between school and life and the fact that me and Khel reside on opposite sides of the country it gets hard to keep up, but we will still for sure be posting once a week! Anyway, hope you like this latest one. Title is from Medicating by Boys Night Out.

Dear Mr. Watson, 11/6 

There, now we're both properly official sounding. Though that rather seems like moving in reverse considering the amount of letters we've written now. I can assure you that my name is indeed masculine--or at least intended for a male--and is absolutely not one of the ones you guessed. You are getting closer though. The first four letters are Sher, add four more letters to that and you'll have successful deciphered my first name. Though by telling you that much it should be a rather easy to determine my first name (I really don't know what my parents were thinking when they named both myself and my brother).

Yes, I deleted it. I erased it from my internal hard drive if you will. If it is not necessary to know then why should it take up valuable real estate in my mind palace? That same real estate could be taken up by something much more worthwhile to know. Emotions are not advantageous, it's as simple as that. 

Thanks again, though I fear you flatter me too much. If you met me in person I doubt you'd still find me to be brilliant. Yes, really; freak is merely one of the common names, I've been called much worse--sometimes even by more significant people. You would be one of a very select few to not find me a freak because my mind works differently. It's only natural, I suppose, for people to lash out at that which they fear and people fear that which is different from the norm. As for identifying you, it wasn't all that difficult. I stated before you are a friendly personable man. I mean, you're managing to put up with me aren't you? Thus, not the man on your left. Certainly, he's probably a nice enough bloke, but he's an introvert. He wouldn't go out of his way to befriend anyone and wouldn't take the time to write back to someone if they wrote as harsh of an initial letter as I did to you. The other bloke--the one on your right--is far too interested in shagging you to be straight. And, as I said, you may have some level of attraction for the same sex (for instance: how much interest you showed in how I knew about my neighbors boxers and the impressions they left on his skin) but in general you tend to be more attracted to women. At the time, the one behind the camera was occupying your attention. To answer your next question, yes, one of them fancied you: the one on the right--I have no idea what his name is, though he is probably the one named Will. The angle of the camera, the height at which the photo was taken, and the level of interest you were displaying towards the person taking the picture (you were making eye contact with them--not the camera or one of your mates) it seems reasonable to conclude that the photo-taker was a woman.

I assure you John, while I may be tall and 'posh' I am no bastard, my parents were perfectly married at the time of my conception. Victor was indeed drunk, thoroughly pissed that night--he even tried to bed me, which is a sure sign of just how far gone he was. While you are correct in identifying me, I'm not sure how good your reasoning behind it is. I match my writing style? Which is what long-winded, detailed, and cynical?

Your scores were only acceptable? Oh how the mighty have fallen. I'd offer to help in the advancement of your knowledge of anatomy but I'm not too sure how helpful writing some letters discussing it would be. How's the shadowing going? Or have you not started that yet?

Burn victims? Any reason for that particular area? I agree that considering you and your field of interest pursuing your M.D. makes far more sense. And as wonderful as research can be nothing quite matches the value of experiencing something for yourself first hand. Even if you think you know how you'll act in a given circumstance, that isn't always what your knee jerk reaction ends up being. I'm just going to say now that it's been one of those days for me, so I apologize if my level of understandability is sub-par in this letter. Anyways, two more months isn't bad.

Yes, people actually have those. What can I say? He has a rather strong flair for the dramatics. He even introduces himself as my arch-nemesis.

My family isn't the sharing sort either, so I understand, though surely you have other friends--ones you are closer to than me--that you can discuss your family with. I mean, I can comprehend it all to some extent but I'm hardly the most emotional sort. Though perhaps that makes me all the better to talk to since I won't just shower you with words of sympathy. Ah, but what did that fall out start over? I suspect the drinking started before your sister and her partner broke up--it was likely a deciding factor in the ending of their engagement. Though really if they broke up the fault lays with both of them, not one or the other. Your sister should know as much even if she would prefer to blame it all on herself and continue to throw herself a pity party--though really she should refrain from dragging you down with her.

Yes, me addicted. I'm hardly the type to joke about such things. I tend to have a bit of an addictive personality. I need something. Something to interest me. Something to keep my mind at bay. Something to make it all make sense. For me, that something often is recreational drug use. I've tried other things in the past. Even slept my way through half the campus at one point, but the sex wasn't worth it--since most were utter shit at it and the ones that weren't often came with far too many strings attached (i.e. any strings at all). However, nothing seems to quite work the same way as the drugs. I just realized my going off on my drug habits to an army doctor in the making is probably a bit not smart. To late now, though I suppose we're all fucked up in our own ways--though that might just be the drugs talking. It's rather astounding how much more effective cocaine is when injected (3 minutes and requires much less of the drug which means it lasts longer) to snuffed (roughly 14).

Then you really don't know Victor at all. I come from a wealthy family, thus my family connections hold some level of appeal for him. However, whenever he gets it through that thick head of his that even he can't change me, well let's just say he'll change his mind. As to what kind of friend would leave because they are bored? Most people, when the initial level of interest decreases the level of effort put into maintaining the relationship dwindles. Thus, resulting in the eventual ending of the relationship. Have you met me? Do you really think that most people would want to live with me? To have to see me on a daily basis? To have me deducing their lives without even trying?

You impress me with your knowledge of stringed instruments, John. Music is often a good source for venting frustrations, or thinking, or acting as any sort of catalyst really. I was bored. I am bored. So dreadfully bored. Why must life be so utterly dull John?

Your welcome for asking? I was attempting small talk, Victor tells me that sort of thing is only polite. I tell him being polite is highly over-rated and dull, he then proceeds to roll his eyes at me and walks away to watch some dreadful car show on the telly. I'm not really one for relationships, John, you should have figured that out by now. Girlfriends aren't really my area. I'm perfectly aware that having a boyfriend is fine. I tend to be the type more for casual sex as a means of mutually needed release than as some ridiculous sentimental bonding ritual. I prefer not to get tangled up in a web of someone else's strings. Any reason in the interest in my sex life, John? Is there something you aren't telling me?

No need to act as a parrot. Yes, John, I crashed a crime scene. The case was rather simple and terribly dull. A rather easy puzzle to solve, but it was a puzzle which is better than nothing, I suppose. Really, though, the blokes at Scotland Yard have incredible levels of obliviousness It's almost shocking.

Hope your lungs still inhale and exhale at a standard rate,

S.H.

P.S. If Victor had any doubts about my drug habits, I think I've pretty well squashed them now. That tends to happen when your room-mate walks in on you shooting up, I suppose. Damn. Looks like I'll be looking for a flat-mate sooner than expected after all.


	10. Can I Have This Chance to be Your Little Romance?

Dear “Sher” Holmes, -- 11/26

I didn’t like reverting back to formalities….

Anyway, do you realize how few names there are beginning with ‘Sher’ and have four letters after that? Your name is Sherlock, isn’t it? What kind of people name their son Sherlock in this day and age? What’s your brother’s name? Leopold? Or something else just as old fashioned? And I identified you in your photo because your writing is well educated and you just look educated, like you went to a private school or something. 

How do you simply delete emotions? They aren’t something you can simply turn on and off….

Oh, I apologize for taking so long to respond to your last letter. Classes have been brutal and I’m utterly knackered. The shadowing…well, it’s going wonderful. Is that bad? To enjoy the rush of a speeding ambulance, the thrill of adrenaline coursing through my system as I rush to help the medics patch up some poor sod? The blood, knowing you have someone’s life in your hands…I feel guilty, but I can’t deny the thrill I get.

Are you suggesting the kind of anatomy lesson I think you are? ‘Cos it’s obvious that wouldn’t work in letters….That and I’m not interested in men. Despite the fact that you keep insisting that I am. 

I still can’t understand why people are so…against you. You’re brilliant, and I don’t think that would change if I ever met you in person. In fact, I’d be likely to find you even more brilliant. 

Anyway, I chose burn victims because as an army doctor, I’m much more likely to have to treat a burn victim from an explosion or fire than anything else. Except maybe bullet wounds, but those are pretty basic procedures. I don’t know. It just seemed to be the most practical choice.  
I do have other friends to discuss my problems with, but, as you said, they only offer words of sympathy and condolences. Except Mike. He’s a friend I’ve had since my undergraduate years, so he’s actually met my sister. But still. You’re blunt honesty is so refreshing. I’m not entirely sure what started Harry’s fall out, and it’s not really my business to pry. I just hope she comes to her senses soon. 

I can’t believe you’re a drug addict. Do you have any idea what that can do to your mind? Do you want to lose function of that marvelous head of yours? What else have you tried to focus your mind on? Other than sex? Sex and drugs aren’t the only remedies out there, you know. I’m sorry that you’ve lost your flatmate, though. He’s not going to kick you out onto the street, is he? 

Like you, I was merely making small talk. Attempting to you get to know you better. My questions don’t mean anything other than that.

I didn’t realize you worked on crime scenes. With Scotland Yard no less! When you say crashed, though, I take it you don’t actually work for them? 

My synapses are still firing, 

 

John

P.S. I apologize for such a short and rather crappy letter. My life has been rather rushed of late. Unfortunately, I don’t see it getting much easier until I’m done with this last year of school. And even then I will probably be swamped with work.

P.P.S. What are you doing for the upcoming holidays?


	11. Can't Let the Teachers Lay Waste of a New Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another chapter down! Title is from the song Emotional Drought by Chevelle. Let us know what you think.

Dear John, 12/8

While Sherlock may certainly be the most common name beginning with the letters ‘Sher’ and having four letters following, it is hardly the only one; Sherwood for instance. However, yes my name is indeed Sherlock. My parents have always been the old fashioned and ‘proper’ sort. My dearest brother’s name is Mycroft, in case there was any doubt over the naming capabilities of my parents. School was a mere waste of my time, still is; either way, congratulations on identifying me even if your deductive skills are in some serious need of work.

How do you delete anything, John? We aren’t talking about turning them off and on; we are talking about the total removal of them. Think about it, so you remember everything everyone has ever you? Do you remember what trousers you wore three years ago from Sunday? It’s the same thing.

There’s no need to apologize, people apologize far too often and for meaningless things. Really, apologies aren’t worth much anymore but I digress. You’ve stumbled upon a topic that my brother have a rather longstanding debate (or discussion as he would say) about. It’s hardly a bad thing that you are enjoying the shadowing, far too many people commit themselves to working in jobs they hate, which in turn tends to lead to lackluster performances of said jobs on their part. Your enjoying it means you’ll properly dedicate yourself to your work, and I for one would rather have a doctor who knew what he was doing and was fully dedicated to doing it, patching me up than some disgruntled bloke who went into medicine because he thought it would pay well.

Aww John, you are capable of catching on to innuendo, I’m so proud. I’m sure we could figure out some sort of method of making that work if you were so inclined. Of course you aren’t interested in men. Never mind, the fact that that objection was a bit of an afterthought. Really John, your secret is safe with me. Who would I tell, Victor? He already thinks we have some sort of illicit written love affair going on; especially since you seem to think I’m so brilliant.

Again, I have my doubts as to how brilliant you’d find me in person. Perhaps we shall have to put that to the test sometime, hmm? We could meet up at a sleazy pay-by-the-hour motel and give fodder to Victor’s fantasy that he’s painted us in. Or I suppose we could do the more mundane thing and meet for coffee sometime.

I’m impressed, that’s very pragmatic of you.

Yes, sweet words of sympathy do get to be rather tiring quickly. But does this Mike of yours know your sister? Meeting someone and knowing them are two entirely different things, at least for the average person (yours truly excluded). Refreshing as a panic attack I’m sure. Perhaps she needs someone to pry. Few people are really capable of coming to their senses without some sort of help, a wake-up call if you will.

Weather you can believe it or not a fact is a fact. No John, I have absolutely no idea what sort of effects drugs can have on the human body. Which means I have no idea was dosages are acceptable for consumption. But, I’m sure you could fill me in on all the gory details doctor. Without the drugs I’m even more prone to losing my mind from death by boredom if nothing else. The cases down at the yard help a bit, but that relief only lasts as long as the case (which often isn’t long at all). Lost my flat-mate? Oh Victor? He’s back again, not to worry. Once again he seems to think he can save me. I rather pity him at that, but at least when he’s around there is tea made to my liking.

Of course you were. That’s why you’re clamming up now then is it? Whatever you need to tell yourself in order to sleep at night.

Yes, I’m now an illustrious fighter of crime. At least it makes things a little less dull. Last week it was an adulterous secretary killing by a radiation poised apple. A simple enough case and despite the fairly clever use of radiation poising frightfully easy to solve but beggars can’t be choosers, right? As far as working with the Yard goes, well I’ve come to a bit of an agreement with one of the D.I.’s in which I help out on cases which are over their heads. Which is almost all of them. Don’t get me wrong the DI is a man of decent intelligence levels he’s just rather on the average spectrum of things.

Hope your biological functions haven’t permanently ceased yet,

S.H.

P.S. As stated above your apology is unnecessary. I wish my life was as rushed as yours. Even with the Yard work I still suffer from an endless supply of boredom. Though I rather imagine you like that hectic pace of yours.

P.P.S. I may have to spend at least one dreadful evening with Mycroft and Mummy, beyond that I’m not sure. You? Or was that some coy attempt at asking me to go out with you? Really John the straightforward way tends to work best with me.


	12. Empty Chairs and Empty Tables

Dear Sherlock, -- 12/15

I distinctly remember asking you if your name was Sherwood at some point, so Sherlock was definitely the only alternative. Believe me, I kept track of all the names I asked about. Anyway. Mycroft? Really? Your parents sure have odd taste in names…but then again, mine are just as old fashioned, I guess, if not as ‘proper’. I mean, John and Harriet aren’t exactly up and coming names, now are they?

I still don’t understand how you can just ‘delete’ emotions. I forget things, sure. But it’s not a conscious decision on my part to do so. How can you consciously remove emotions and memories?

Well, I’m glad someone thinks it’s ok for me to enjoy my work. I tried to explain it to Harry a few days ago when she asked how school was going and she just gave me this weird look and shook her head at me. What you’re saying makes sense, though. I guess it is better to have some sort of passion for the job than detachment.

Of course I’m capable of catching onto innuendo; what makes you think I wouldn’t be? And I’ve given up on defending my sexuality to you. There seems to be no point in the matter, as once you’ve got an idea in your head about someone, it doesn’t seem to leave. Obviously Victor hasn’t read our letters; anyone who did would know nothing was going on between us, as we can’t seem to stop arguing and passing sarcastic comments back and forth. If that’s Victor’s idea of an illicit love affair, he needs to get his head checked.

Coffee sounds like a fine idea to me, though I am more of a tea person, personally. I wouldn’t be able to meet up until after Christmas, though, as I am very busy until then. Is this okay with you?

Mike does know my sister, actually. I know they’ve chatted a few times when he’s come over to mine or she came to visit me on campus. I suppose I could bring up the topic lightly and ask her what’s up. If that doesn’t work, then I’ll leave it alone for a bit. At least then she’ll know that I am worried about her and I’m willing to listen.

I sense heavy sarcasm. How exactly do the drugs help you from losing your mind? One would think the addiction would cause some serious distractions for you. I’m glad Victor is still with you, even if it is for his own reasons.

Radiation poisoning? What the hell? I’m pleased to hear that you are no longer crashing the crime scenes, but rather have permission from one of the D.I.’s. That’s good, as you probably could have been thrown in jail, otherwise.

Still mobile,

John Watson

PS. Some days, the hectic rush is great. On others, all I want to do is sit back with a good cuppa and a few medical journals. I don’t know why anyone would wish for a more rushed life style.

PPS. I was NOT asking you out, Sherlock. Jesus. One would think you wanted me to, with all your hints and comments! Anyway, I’m not sure what I’m doing for the holidays either. Most likely spending some time with Harry, and maybe a few of the guys I play the occasional game of football with. I don’t really know. I think what I look forward to the most is time away from studying.


	13. Romance Your Ego For A While

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is a few hours late of Monday, I got caught up writing my research paper on insomnia (a tad ironic since I've written almost all of it in the wee hours of the night.... or morning depending on your perspective)! Also I apologize in advance for any spelling and grammar mistakes, we don't have a beta and I haven't had time to look back and edit this one since I wrote it (meaning it's even less edited than all the previous ones). The title is from the song Illuminated by Hurts and if you haven't heard it then go check it out (it really fits how I see Sherlock's drug addiction). Anyway enjoy and let me know what you think!

Dear John, -- 12/21

If that’s the case perhaps I deleted it. You kept track of all the names you asked? How cute. Yes, my parents found them to be dignified-or some such thing. I don’t know about old fashioned, just a bit more normal I suppose. They make not be up and coming but they don’t exactly cause people to question the sanity of your parents either.

It’s just deleting them John, I’m really not sure how to better explain it. I just do. It’s part of my nature, part of my programming.

People function far better when doing something they enjoy, even serial killers. So what, she thinks you should go and pick a job that you hate doing and go about it that way? Perhaps pick up a hobby pulling the bullets out of bank robbers and terrorists? I highly doubt she’s in any position to be giving you strange looks. How’s her alcohol addiction going anyways? Have you gotten any farther along in figuring out what triggered it in the first place? Passion keeps things interesting, and interesting is-well decidedly better than boring.

Nothing. As thinly veiled as that innuendo was I’d be more surprised if you hadn’t caught on, even as innocent as you are. Yes. Victor claims that once I’ve made up my mind about something that’s all there is. He’s wrong of course but it isn’t surprising that he’d think such. With every new piece of evidence the hypothesis gets altered otherwise there would never be any progress. However, evidence is evidence and everything always adds up to something (even if that something is of no importance to anything else). You follow? He hasn’t been reading our letters, besides peering over my shoulder occasionally and catching a snippet here and there, but I think Victor would just see the arguments and sarcasm as a rather violent form of foreplay. I’ve told you before he isn’t the brightest bloke around, not by half. His tea making skills are rather remarkable though. If you’d like I’m sure I could convince him to let you give him a CAT scan.

No comment on the sleazy motel bit? You’re no fun. Would you prefer a tea party then? I’m sure it could be arranged. We could even go all out and find fancy Victorian dresses and lacy parasols. As long as it tastes passably good and contains caffeine I don’t particularly care either way. Not sure when I’d be able to meet up though. Christmas time really is a gloriously wonderful time of year; all the fun criminals come out to play, tis’ the season and all. I’m sure we could arrange something though.

But chatting and really knowing someone, knowing what dark little desires they keep crammed in the back of their skulls, is entirely different. I doubt he knows much beyond the first few surface levels of your sister, unless she often let’s her uninhibited alcoholic side out to play. Knowing she has someone there may help, but until she sees that she needs the help-more than the momentary peace that the alcohol can bring-nothing will change. Sounds to me more like she needs a solid kick in the ass to help her get herself back together rather than someone to kindly hold her hand and say its all okay. From what you’ve said the whole affair is far from okay and that is exactly what she needs, though it’s dubious that she’ll want it. Or rather she’ll want it about as much as a shot to the head. But what do I know?

Sarcasm? I’d never. Have you ever done cocaine or do you just know about all the nasty little side effects (which in reality aren’t all that different from some prescription drugs)? I’m not stupid John, I know that my habits aren’t healthy but I’m not your average crack head either. I know how to use ‘responsibly’ if you will. How do you describe the color blue to a man who is color blind John? The high, it just makes everything so much clearer, it makes me not have to notice all the damn details that stick out and say ‘hey look at me.’ Victor continues to stick around; at this rate I’ve got to be his good deed of the bloody century.

Yes, radiation poisoning. While seemingly catchy, and theoretically a good idea since all the symptoms can be passed off as signs of a bad flu, it’s also something which a very limited amount of people have access to. Thus when the lab technician decided to kill his wife since she refused to divorce him, he wasn’t all that hard to track down. It all was a tad too Henry the VIII for my taste. Currently we-and by we I mean I-am working on a case where dead people are turning up missing parts of themselves, not ritualistic in nature though, since the parts keep changing and have yet to be anything of the internal organs variety. Have you no faith in me? Even if by some stroke of supreme luck anyone managed to catch me I would have escaped within an hour. Nice to hear you’re so deeply concerned though.

Hope your body isn’t one of the ones missing any unfortunate parts,

S.H.

 

P.S. Indeed. It’s still better than being dull. Why wouldn’t anyone wish for a more rushed style of living? Otherwise what’s the point? Why waste time away sitting and doing nothing while your body begins to age and degrade, at that rate you may as well be dead. Not to mention the fact that sitting around is boring. So bloody boring. I’m surprised I haven’t started shooting holes in the walls; maybe I need to invest in darts. Never mind. Shooting the walls makes much more sense.

P.P.S. Johnny boy, at most we’d have sex. I don’t do the long term entanglement thing remember? I’m just trying to get you out of that little closet or heterosexuality that you seem so convinced you’re stuck in. I really don’t know why people get so bothered by gender, unless they are trying to actively produce children-in which case I completely understand. But you don’t seem to be at that point in your life yet, or am I incorrect in that assumption? Have fun with Harry and your lack of gaining intellectual knowledge.


	14. He's An Unlearned Lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG! This took me far longer to write than it should have, especially since it's so short! But it's midterms and I've been super busy and to top things off, I've got some severe back pain right now that's making me miserable....but I got it done!   
> Title from the song 'War at Home' by Josh Groban  
> Any spelling or grammar issues are entirely mine....it's nearly 4am and this wasn't beta'd at all >_

Dear Sherlock,--12/28

I had to keep track of my guess somehow; not all of us can recall minute details and what not the way you seem to be able to. How are Sherlock and Mycroft normal names? 

I don’t think I’ll ever understand how our mind works…I still can’t wrap my head around ‘deleting’ things. You do know that normal people can’t do that right? That our brains don’t process things like a computer does?

Harry is doing fine, thank you. Christmas was rough, but she made it through with little incident. And no, I don’t know what triggered it; it’s not like I can just go up and ask her. She seems to be over her break up though, or at least coming to terms with it. I hope the new year brings her more happiness than this last year has.

Seriously, Sherlock? I have much more important things to do right now, rather than scanning your friend’s brain, as interesting as that may be. I mean, foreplay? Really?

I’d be much more interested in taking a scan of your brain, anyway.

Do you have to lay the sarcasm so heavily? Anyway, I’m good anytime between now and the fifteenth of January if you would like to get coffee. I know a little café just a few streets down from St. Bart’s, unless you know of some place better to go.

I really don’t like the idea of you using drugs, but I see no point in arguing with you about it. Just be careful, yeah? I rather look forward to your letters; I’d hate to stop receiving them because you did something as stupid as over dosing. 

Your cases sound fascinating, though mildly disturbing. Please, continue writing up your cases for me? 

Still have all my limbs,

John

PS: Don’t shoot the walls! I’m sure you can use that brain of yours to come up with a much better way to relieve the monotony of your days!

PSS: Jesus, Sherlock! You just about made me spit out my tea!


	15. Now It's Me Against You, Or Rather You Against Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, because I'm awesome and we are all caught up on chapters. I figured I'd go ahead and post this next chapter a little early (I mean I am still technically posting this on Monday). It's hot off the presses, and as such I haven't edited it. Thus sorry for any mistakes you see (but please do point them out!). This chapter's title comes from the song Homewrecker by Dangerous Muse it is a seriously catchy song. Anyway thanks to everyone that's hung around so far, both Khel and I were stoked to see that we had over a thousand hits and that we had 30 kudos!

Dear John, -- 1/3

I can only recall the minute details of the pertinent things, I’m sure you know far more about pop culture than me. They’re normal enough considering our parents. I’m just lucky I didn’t end up with a horrendous name like Earnest, Herschel, or Aloysius. Could you imagine?

I don’t think anyone understands how my mind works, besides perhaps Mycroft (but he doesn’t count as anyone, I don’t even think he counts as a human being anymore). I can’t wrap my mind around how stupid and utterly unobservant most people are. What boring little lives they all must lead. Yes, John I know that a brain and a computer are two separate things. A computer doesn’t have the same capacity to think creatively, even if it is generally much easier to format. It also doesn’t get bogged down by the same emotions and obligations that the mind does. 

Rough, but with little incident? Something tells me there is a story there. Why can’t you go up to you sister and ask her? If you are that afraid of doing it in person then call, text, or e-mail her. You don’t have anything to lose. I suppose it’s good that she’s over her break up, on to a new relationship then? From what you’ve told me I don’t think it would take much for her to have a better year than the last.

What could possibly be more important than a brain scan? Yes John, foreplay. Do I need to spell it out for you? Or are you just the type to skip the foreplay all together? It can get a bit tedious at times.

Why John, you make comments like that and then wonder why Victor thinks that we’re shacking up. I hardly think a scan of my brain would be all that intriguing. Might make for some fun experiments though.

Yes. Sarcasm is a rudimentary part of by biological functioning. If I wasn’t being sarcastic then I’d be dead, and no one wants that. You really want to meet up? This is just going to add more fuel to the fire that Victor thinks our burning furnace of love is. His words not mine. How’s the twelfth sound? Should be an adequate amount of time for you to get this and send back a response. What café? I hope you don’t mean the one run by the methamphetamine addict with a monkey. Though his monkey is rather intelligent, certainly more so than he is.

I know my limits John, but thanks for the concern. Aw.. We’ve almost gone full circle, from me not wanting you to die for my assignment to you not wanting me to die because of my immaculate writing skills. You do know my assignment is over though right? So really if you don’t wish to write to me anymore we don’t have to (though given what you said in your last letter I’m rather assuming you’d like to keep up our communications).

I like the disturbing ones, those are the most fun. The ever so wonderful body part thief has been caught. Seems he was suffering from a paranoid schizophrenic break wherein he believed it was his god given duty to form a hack and slash army of the dead, he fancied himself a bit of a necromancer. He was going to raise up and army of pieced together dead people (put together just so to form the perfectly gruesome soldiers). The whole thing was rather strange. I’m still not exactly sure what he thought his army of the dead was going to do, especially considering his lack of being able to reanimate them. Galvani he was not, no matter how he electrocuted the bodies they refused to rise. That bit was rather funny actually. You want me to write up all my cases? Some of them are rather simple, boring, and last no more than a few hours. The more challenging ones last a few days. That’s a lot of cases to start writing up and most of them would make for rather dry reading. I’m between cases at the moment anyways, though I think my neighbor may be starting a doll smuggling ring.

 

Hope your brain isn’t fried yet,

S.H.

P.S. But the walls like me shooting them. It gives them character. And keeps me away from the fish tank, I’m not allowed near the fish tank after the last time which is a pity really, I had so many ideas for those fish. 

P.P.S. Apparently I also made you unable to write post-post-script properly as well (its PPS not PSS John). And two names put together for an exclamation. Jesus had nothing to do with it John. Or are you saying you wanted a three-some with someone named Jesus. That could probably be arranged I suppose. What part had you almost spitting out your tea? Was it the sex bit? Because really John that shouldn’t be that startling. You know my history and you’re not that unattractive of a bloke. Or was it the procreation bit? Because that is why sex is pleasurable, people are far more likely to engage in an act that causes them pleasure and thus the species continues on, for better or worse. Victor says I have no sense of what is politically correct to say (I tell him that’s my brothers job not mine).


	16. Shot Through the Heart, and You're Too Late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG. I'm so sorry that this is late. Stupid school.  
> And I'm sorry that this is so short. But I feel like John is a man of few and simple words. Unlike Sherlock who can be wordy as hell and wax poetic at any time. Silly bastard <3
> 
> I'm off to do more homework! Yay!  
> (not really)
> 
> I'm really looking forward to the next letter or two...they should be interesting!!

Dear Sherlock, --- 1/7

The twelfth sounds just fine. If the café ran by the addict with the monkey is the one across the street from the little book shop, then they are one and the same. Sorry about that. Let’s meet there and then we can decide if we want to go elsewhere.

What kind of experiments did you have in mind? And screw Victor. It just seems like he’s trying to get a rise out of me now, so whatever. 

Herschel. I don’t even know what to say to that name. Earnest is rather normal sounding, though.

What makes you think your brother isn’t human anymore? Of course he’s human.

Hm. I suppose your assignment is over. It’s up to you if you’d like to stop sending letters, as you were the one who sent the first one; I’ve kind of just been along for the ride up until now.

The body part snatcher seems like a Dr. Frankenstein wannabe. How many bodies had he made before you guys showed up? And yes, you should right up all your cases, even if it’s only in a rudimentary note format. They might help with future cases. 

A doll smuggling ring? What use could one have in smuggling dolls?

Really, Sherlock? What kinds of things were you doing to the fish in the first place that you were banned from going near them?

I apologize for such a short letter, but my sister will be over shortly for dinner and I haven’t picked anything up yet and I don’t have the time to cook anything worth eating. I’m thinking of bringing up the topic with her at dinner tonight. We’ll see what mood she is in though. The last time I saw her though, just a few days ago, she seemed to be doing much better; I think someone might have caught her eye again.

I guess I’ll be seeing you in a few days, then.

Don’t die before then,

John Watson


	17. You Can't Be Stronger in the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I'm sorry this is still a bit on the short side, but I wanted to make sure that I still got it up today. Anyways the title is from the song "The Light Behind Your Eyes" by My Chemical Romance, who just broke up this past weekend and so I've been listening to them non-stop since I found out. Seriously this band was one of the first bands to get me into real music besides that poppy shit I listened to as a kid so they will always have a special place in my heart! But I digress... On with the story.

Dear John, -- 1/14

Experiments? I probably have thousands in mind. Did I mention any in particular? Now you want to screw Victor as well? My, my, aren’t you the adventurous one? Adrenaline junkie indeed. On top of having a threesome with a man named Jesus? And don’t think I missed the fact that you totally neglected to comment on that bit in your last letter. Are you really still claiming to be straight? Really John? Denial is hardly a becoming trait to possess.

What is there to say about the name Herschal? It was a particularly common name in the Victorian era, obviously it isn’t as common today, not like John at any rate. Yes, I suppose Earnest is a normal enough name, if you are a character of satirical playwright, poet, and novelist that likes to have affairs with younger men. 

Think my brother isn’t human? No, I’m quite positive that he isn’t. I’m rather certain that even Mummy dearest doesn’t think my brother is human. What kind of human brother would stalk you through CCTV sightings and attempt to hack into your home computer while you are still on it? 

Yay, for the end of humanities. Perhaps that phrasing is a bit off. That class was truly dreadful and terribly boring; tragically the best part about it was writing these letters. I don’t mind keeping up our correspondence, you make decidedly better company than Victor especially for a man of your stature. 

Yes. The “body part snatcher” as you so candidly referred to him, was using many of the same principals based off of Mary Shelly’s novel—or really the theories of Galvanism that were present in her novel. Though Victor (and by that I mean Dr. Victor Frankenstein) never had the intention of building up an army of the dead people, he didn’t even want to make his creation a girlfriend. Of course, Dr. Frankenstein was also impossibly successful in his task, this man was not. Fine I’ll start writing up my cases, perhaps they might help improve the thinking capabilities of the Yard (though I sincerely doubt it).

Well, she is only six, what you rather she be smuggling? She smuggles dolls because she likes them and they can make a fairly lucrative business. Though I do believe she’s moving up to the jewelry smuggling circuit, I think she prefers the shiny things. For a six year old she is rather intelligent.

The fish were never in any danger. Victor just is overly protective of them, I swear he thinks they’re his own children it’s a bit unnerving at times the way he looks at them. I’d just as soon eat them, or feed them to the doll smuggler’s cat. 

You hardly need to apologize for the length of your letter, it really isn’t necessary, and we just saw each other two days ago anyways. Speaking of, I’m sorry about rushing off as fast as I did but I had a case. I’m sure you understand. Is your sister still doing better? It wouldn’t be all that surprising if she has found someone, it is getting close to that time of year and people do seem to get so much more achingly desperate around this time. 

Why are people so pitifully stupid? In this latest case a woman claimed her dog was the mastermind behind all of her machinations. I’ve heard of blaming a dog for eating your homework but blaming a dog for your murderous crimes seems a tad far-fetched. It didn’t help her case any that it appeared the only way that particular Pomeranian would have been capable of murder was by drowning someone in a puddle of saliva. For such a small and fluffy dog it salivated a lot, Pavlov would’ve had a field day with him. 

Aww John, you do care. Don’t worry, I’m not dead even after out meeting. When did we switch taglines?

No carcasses to found in my dwelling yet,

S.H.

P.S. I’m including the fish in that no carcasses statement. 

P.P.S. You're probably going to regret giving me your number. I believe Victor not so sneakily just stole my phone, so you can probably expect a text within the next half hour or so, though that means that by the time you receive this it will already have happened. Be warned I have no control over him.


	18. In Anticipation for Precipitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! SweetAsCyanide here, and I am so insanely sorry that this is so damn late (and that this isn't a real chapter but Khel writes the next one of those). So this is the text conversation between Victor and John (and Sherlock at the end). Be warned Victor uses an insane amount of text/chat speak, if anyone wants me to translate it all for you let me know and I'd be happy to! Title is from the song Umbrella originally by Rhianna (but the version I was listening to was All Time Low). Anyway enjoy! And sorry Again!

?4U how waz ur coffee d8?  
-V.

 

Excuse me?  
-JHW

 

Who the hell is this?  
-JHW

 

AYS? Who u think?  
-V

 

AYS? What?  
Is this Victor?  
-JHW

 

Yes  
My BFFLNMW has BCOY  
So how waz ur coffee d8?  
-V

 

I’m only understanding half of what  
you’re saying.  
It was fine. And it wasn’t a date.  
-JHW

 

YYSSW…

How waz ur non-d8 d8?  
-V

 

I already told you. It was fine.  
I’m assuming you are using Sherlock’s phone?  
-JHW

 

SRSLY? LDO  
-V

 

Seriously what?  
-JHW

 

RUKM?  
-V

 

BIB  
-V

 

CU L8R  
-V

 

I give up.  
-JHW

 

Oh thank god.  
-JHW

 

Sorry that was rude.  
-JHW

 

Lmao  
-S.H.

 

Victor has an acronym problem. He goes  
to text speak meetings and everything.  
-S.H.

 

Does he really? I can believe it… he  
doesn’t use them in realize does he?  
-JHW

 

How’d he get your phone by the way?  
-JHW

 

We’re working on making the flat an ‘AFZ’.  
In realize?  
-S.H.

 

I was using him for a case. I let him  
believe he stole it from me while I was  
writing you.  
-S.H.

 

AFZ?  
Oh damn new phone. That was auto correct.  
I meant real life, though I guess you just  
Confirmed that, yes, he does.  
-JHW

 

Oh? What was the point in that?  
-JHW

 

Acronym Free Zone. Auto correct does  
tend to have that awful habit. I once asked  
a person if they were a werewolf because  
of it. He isn’t as bad in person.  
-S.H.

 

To see if he would take it. I’ve got to get  
back to the case. I found the umbrella.  
-S.H.

 

Oh, ok. Good luck your case then!  
Talk to you later?  
-JHW


	19. Up for Adoption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey readers! Khel here. 
> 
> After much thought, SweetAsCyanide and I have decided to let this fic go. Neither us is particularly involved with the Sherlock fandom anymore, but seeing as how we still receive notifications on this occasionally, we didn't just want to abandon it.
> 
> So! If anyone is interested, we are putting this fic up for 'adoption'. Basically, if you want to take on this poor thing and keep writing it, message either one of us and we will add you as a co-author. After you've been added as a co-author, we will orphan the fic, leaving you in 'sole custody' of it and in charge of editing and posting new chapters.
> 
> Please, only ask to take it on if you are serious about continuing it. The new author will be picked on a first come first served basis and we'd rather not assign someone to it who will just abandon it in a few months like we did.
> 
> So, yeah. Sorry for this guys, but hopefully someone else will take it on and make it even better!
> 
> Khel, out.
> 
> PS: to all our readers, thank you so much for all your kind comments and your kudos. They seriously meant so much to me and SweetAsCyanide. We never expected this to actually be read and enjoyed, in all honesty....so thank you. You're all awesome.

Here's to hoping for a new author!


End file.
